dilbert gottfried @OlympicFarting
I’ve got a bag of chips in the cupboard Joined April 2019-
Tweets988
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Followers79
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Following46
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Likes2K
The lion at the beginning is the scariest part
Does anyone take a little nibble out the pizza before tossing her into the microwave for a little reheat
How tf did Colgate get my email I’ve never done business with toothpaste before
Idk who this guy is but he likes to complain about driving the shitty car and acts like he can’t do anything to fix it
Idk who this guy is but he likes to complain about driving the shitty car and acts like he can’t do anything to fix it
I watch one episode of ghost adventures and I’m scared
I just want Gordon of Ramsey to cook me a beef of Wellington
No one invented the light bulb because having ideas have been around for centuries
I’m mad a god for not showing curry to me at a young age but he was really looking out for me with the red wine
Everyone wants to be Kangaroo Jack but not everyone has the hops
Yeah, I too have that dog in me, I also yearn to stick my head out the window while driving
God gives the coldest beer to the emptiest stomach
Sometimes When I get anxious I imagine im the host of jeopardy and that makes everything worse
Just watched 8 million episodes of how’s it made. I can now make nuclear bombs, pencil sharpeners, and cat food
Honest to god I’m craving this pickle beer that I had recently
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space cowboy @beeboopbella
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Senator Gary Peters @SenGaryPeters
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Sen. Debbie Stabenow @SenStabenow
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Rep. Jack Bergman @RepJackBergman
16K Followers 710 Following U.S. Rep for #Mi01, Lt. General, USMC (ret), Yooper, Pilot, Proud Grandfather. Serving on VA, Armed Services, & Budget Committees.
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19K Followers 168 Following 🦟🦟DADDY LONGLEGS 🦟🦟🎇🎆HEAVEN KNOWS WHAT🎇🎆🏀🏀LENNY COOKE🏀🏀💎💎 UNCUT GEMS💎 💎🔮🔮THE CURSE🔮🔮
Chris Ryan @ChrisRyanOnline
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wheels @wheelieduncan
4K Followers 581 Following shards of broken glass in my shoes and belly button
depths of wikipedia! @depthsofwiki
880K Followers 4K Following Hello I am @anniierau Please take away my blue check! I did not ask for it!
There is no cat in th.. @Thereisnocat_
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Scorigami @NFL_Scorigami
462K Followers 0 Following Tracking the chances that NFL games finish with a score that's never happened before. Built by @dpmattingly. Based on an original idea by @jon_bois.
fredfinite durst @GiantToilet
729 Followers 315 Following shut the fuck up when your talking to me bitch
Liminal Spaces @SpaceLiminalBot
1.3M Followers 1 Following Trip on the verge of reality || if you want any content removed, please dm @artumouza || OP sources on @LiminalLinks
chloe 🐌 @chloe_alberta
555 Followers 781 Following • writer & shrek enthusiast & \\🛸🥕🐸🫀(( she/her )) •
First Ethical Shin Sp.. @ThankYou_EA
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1K Followers 439 Following Two favorite words to describe myself are “hapless” and “bumbling”
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Dead Take @deadtakepod
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I told myself I’d come back to Twitter when I accomplished something with my life. I’ve accomplished a lot since then, but I specifically had in mind that I wanted to publish this piece I drafted in 2020, and I finally did. I hope you’ll read. hobartpulp.com/web_features/n…
You wouldn't be complaining if you had a bud light with this
meet me at the 68th st pizza vestibule if you want an ass-kicking
Occasionally I enjoy playing video games online, and then I'm reminded of the alarming amount of people who will say the most racist things you can imagine.
if I ever see this guy IRL it's on sight
some out of context celebrity family feud moments I wanted to share (1/2)
bodega across the street rebranded
they got John Wilson commentating the Colorado game
three burgers from Hinano
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