Jeff Benzos (not Bezos) @JeffBenzos9

Parody account, not affiliated with Jeff Bezos or Amazon. What we think he might be saying if he turned to the pills to deal with the stress. Seattle, WA Joined May 2019

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Jeff Benzos (not Bezos) @JeffBenzos9

5 years ago

Lot's of people giving me shit about how @amazon's Choice is decided... well I can tell you what the Jeff Benzos choice is anyway - a nice cool chardonnay, a hot bubble bath, 2 blister packs of #xanax and #GreysAnatomy on repeat. See you all on Wednesday!

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Jeff Benzos (not Bezos) @JeffBenzos9

5 years ago

Completely blacked out for almost 2 months, yet #Amazon share prices still doing well and as far as I can tell I didn't soil myself at any point. Was I on a plane to China?

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Jeff Benzos (not Bezos) @JeffBenzos9

5 years ago

hey @DavidZapolsky you got any more of those decent #temazepam you got me for the AGM last year? @Werner is chewing my ear off about some scalable #AWS shit or something seriously I have no clue I can't listen to that crap anymore.

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Jeff Benzos (not Bezos) @JeffBenzos9

5 years ago

All my @amazon minions keep bitching about the #ClimateCrisis or whatever it's called so I built them a new airport. That should shut them up for at least long enough for me to source some more #Clonazepam.

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Jeff Benzos (not Bezos) @JeffBenzos9

5 years ago

The moment the #ruffies wear off in a board meeting and you get a flash of memory of @BillGates and @WarrenBuffett spit roasting your (ex) wife @mackenziebezos in a big pile of 100 dollar bills right next to you in your own bed.

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Jeff Benzos (not Bezos) @JeffBenzos9

5 years ago

So @BillGates shows up for a game of tennis loaded with like 20 strips of #valium. When I came to a few weeks later @mackenziebezos is my ex-wife and him and that fucker @WarrenBuffett got half the settlement cash!

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Jeff Benzos (not Bezos) @JeffBenzos9

5 years ago

Surprised nobody picked up on this one... should never have left them in my pocket when I went on stage! Can barely even remember getting back to the hotel I was so chobbed:/ #valium #benzos