??? @HZJCdDxOSZnvNkQ
I’m me Joined March 2019-
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Life’s full of ups and downs, while you can feel trapped in feeling like shit..there’ll be a day where your happy again, and another day where your sad again. True forever happiness doesn’t exist..but a depression can if you don’t work to get out of it.
Life’s gotten a lot better, I look back at all these and don’t cringe or necessarily regret making them. I just pity the person I was. Someone I grew out of. From a self loathing alcoholic to a self reassuring person that has actual love for themself and doesn’t need a partner.
It always feels a like a drop kick to my emotions whenever I put myself out there
I’ve gotten kinda better, I mean I feel tired and sad still, but that’s just.. life, ups and downs. I’ll feel better the more I enjoy the present moment and avoid obsessing over sad thoughts I have. We all have sad thoughts, but we have the hand in ourselves to hold onto. Gn
-y increasing the more memories I have that were ruined. I only wanted to be loved and have my feeling reciprocated but I fucked everything up because of my unsatisfaction with my own head. I never wanted to hurt anyone, I never wanted to get hurt, I don’t know how to fully coop
-found out who I actually am a toxic insecure piece of shit that doesn’t know how to handle putting trust into someone. I blame no female if I die alone because I’m a basket case and just want someone to hold through this. I need to be better but I can’t because of the pain onl-
Will I always be toxic? And will giving into bitching like this make it better? Will anything make this constant pain better? I sound like a hormonal 13 y/o bitch, but my emotions keep on relapsing and I keep thinking of people I once loved break there loyalty cause they-
Your first relationship sets the basis for how you deal with future ones. If the first one was toxic am I just fucked?
I miss the delusion, but at the same time I don’t, either way it hurts and I can’t help but think no matter how hard I try I won’t stop overreacting with jealousy and destain for the situations I make up. You can’t control jealousy and it makes me hate myself
It’s impossible for me to trust someone because people grow and change, and they’ll always grow into someone that doesn’t want to know me. Which I can’t do anything about because no matter how hard I try I can’t change myself for the better because of the prefixed shit in my head
I’m so fucking annoyed that I understand how incompatible I am when it comes to relationships. It makes me never want one because Ik no one’ll stay loyal, they’ll leave, and never love me for me. And I understand why, which makes it more torturous when I want one.
“A perfect world is never perfect only filled with lies” -Kendrick Lamar
I’ll hold your hand through the bad times, even if it’s everyday every minute,
Keep goin keep writing your stories in your brain as you live life. Make an amazing and beautiful cinematic movie to look back at.
It’s getting harder and harder to keep myself together mentally, on the outside I’m fine and can express I feel like shit well, but no one can TruePublic understand what I’m going through, like I can’t understand what they’re going through,
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