How often does the question “How are you?” really lead to a meaningful conversation? And how do we spark conversations that bring us closer together—instead of driving us apart? I've been reflecting a lot on what makes a good question—one that goes beyond the usual small talk. I wanted to share a few questions with you in case you’d like to try them out this holiday season with loved ones or kind strangers. You can find those in my latest newsletter, "A Good Question Changes the Story," linked below. My hope is that, as you gather, whether you feel excitement or trepidation, you can find new stories to share, new questions to ask, and new places to travel together without ever leaving each other’s side. bit.ly/48jvIPl
I met you at a dinner party in 2014 in NYC. I knew who you were and the kinds of things that you talk about. I came fully prepared with an arsenal of questions to display the depth of my ideas and insights. I managed to sit directly across from you at the dinner table. After some casual chit-chat with a few people, you looked me in the eyes and asked me this question, "How do you hang your hat?". It was a great question, but I was not prepared for it. I spent the rest of the dinner in a state of perplexed and amused silence. I'm looking forward to reading your newsletter!
@EstherPerel My goal is to open a seaside bar - where we spend evenings under string lights, listening to waves crashing ashore, and contemplating deep questions together.
@EstherPerel Love your tweets, Esther and please don't view me as overly PC but when catching up with someone, I really feel the more appropriate approach is to simply ask them, "How's it going?" and then use the conversation to subtly probe into their state of "How are you?".
@EstherPerel Did you read my August article Esther? :) pacifictech.medium.com/whats-the-wors…
@EstherPerel For me it’s a demand, followed by a question: cuéntame, como has estado?
@EstherPerel Yes! If I ever ask "How are you?" at the beginning of a session with a client, I usually will follow with "Kind of a loaded question, isn't it?" and then it gets meta on how they feel about the question in general
@EstherPerel Esther we are still waiting to hear you, a Jew and an Israeli, a daughter of holocaust survivors, say something about the October 7 massacre. Your silence is deafening. I'm embarrassed for you. Are you afraid to lose money on your card games? It's a disgrace. Shameful.
@EstherPerel Absolutely! Meaningful conversations need more than the standard "How are you?" Deeper connections thrive on thoughtful questions, like "What brings you joy lately?" or "What recent challenges have you overcome?" These questions create deeper connections by listening attentively.
@EstherPerel Great questions & many are perfect for asking on dates! For catching up with close friends, I like to ask: What's been occupying your thoughts/focus/energy lately? I find it helps get straight to where they're at, whether they need support & Removes some pressure to "perform"
@EstherPerel I've always been someone who looks &,listens "too deep "into something/someone:there's always more than what meets the ear or the eye. How are you? Is a sacred question One should ponder before replying. Your answer may tell a lot about who you're &how others may think of you