Countess of Essex @CountessWEssex
Ex Playboy glamour model. Mother of six married to a father of none (thanks to a low sperm Count). Blocked by Pam Ayres & soon to publish 'The Countess Diaries' Essex Joined July 2013-
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Followers5K
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While Sid Slinger sorts out the radiator Ned Nugent finds a more enjoyable use for the pipe threader.
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Tingle Tales: A lovely sunny home maintenance day is about to come to a sudden end when Ted announces that he needs cooling down.
Celia warns Bob Badger that she will squeeze the other one even harder if he tries that again.
Having promised his family a trip to the beach Bob Billings wasn’t going to let nigglesome haemorrhoids spoil the day.
Betty could usually be found working amongst the fiction shelves of the nudist camp library but would often find herself poked in the entertainment section as the day progressed.
Dear TV advertisers you obviously didn’t hear me last time so here it is again. Stop messing with my musical memories and start earning some of your exorbitant fees by coming up with some original tunes for a change. 😡
Sid Slinger and Bob Biscuit get ready to hit the town safe in the knowledge they won’t be troubled by any female admirers.
Tingle Tales: Ted attempts to lighten the mood with some music following his misadventure at the shops involving superglue, a bouquet for Tilly’s mothers birthday and an itchy head
After getting himself lost at a scout camp when he was fourteen Bob Belch finally finds his way home much to the delight of his mother.
Professional cake and tart pioneer, Bob Bakewell, has a sudden moment of inspiration.
After making some changes following intervention by the new diversity manager filming continues on TVs ‘Countryfile’
Lilly Lipton feels a tad guilty after introducing Bob Belch to the Mile High Club but he died a happy man.
Ted Trout proudly relishes in the thought of being the one who will later relieve his bride of her virginity but best man, Len Spiggot, knows different.
Dear Online Gambling advertisers….Fuck Off.
Bob Badger was arrested two days later when they realised that Photoshop had yet to be invented.
Len Lozenge sympathises with Bob Biscuit but points out that having spent most of their holiday money on knitwear they would have no room in their suitcase for his piece of wood.
No need for me to caption this one.
Unfortunately the inauguration of the worlds first traffic light system got off to a bad start when Ted Toggle was knocked down by a bus.
Dear TV Football match commentator it is not a ‘park’ it’s a ‘pitch’. If it helps to avoid any future confusion the absence of swings and ducks is usually a good indication.😉👍
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@CountessWEssex I don't know, id probably wrestle Sid for that poncho! 😁
@CountessWEssex My President, i approve him
You follow people who you have looked at their profile and bio check their media and tweets. Then they DM you despite my bio says no DMs. This is instant block. Why do men do it. They obviously want more that chatting.
@CountessWEssex You're welcome. I like your sense of humour . 😀
Today I hit the 4 stone weight loss mark. I still have another stone to lose but I'm now only overweight rather than obese according to BMI 🙄🤣 woohoo!.🎉🎉🎉
@CountessWEssex Get your hand off your hip Sid and you might pull.
@CountessWEssex Have you got the knitting pattern for this? (Asking for a friend)
@CountessWEssex How did the human race not die out in the 70s??
@CountessWEssex Thank you My Lady. Nice to hear from you. 😊
…Goodbye, don’t let the door hit you on your way out. Good luck for the future and I hope you are eventually able to come to terms with the biological facts of nature. 😁
@CountessWEssex Tell it like it is your Countessness
@CountessWEssex Oh wow, thank you for that! Who doesn't love a sausage! 🙂😂
@CountessWEssex If his luck was really in youd've had your teeth out....
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