The Bummer News @BummerNews
cleveland Joined March 2015-
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shit i was right
2016 election to be determined by who has the most twitter followers
in order to protect citizens with preexisting conditions such as diabetes and hypertension from covid-19, governments around the world have issued stay-at-home orders please stay in your house until you also develop these conditions #saferathome
It's 65 and sunny outside, and your kids are inside planning exactly what they will do with the money they inherit when you die.
Alcoholics Anonymous Exposed! Popular sobriety group discovered to be joint market share grab created by Folgers and Phillip-Morris!
You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. But your friends will go on to be respected and more financially stable.
You can call yourself whatever you want, we all know you are Windows 9.
Does your job matter to other people? Find out by explaining it to them for more than 20 seconds. (Hint: No)
Today's Forecast: 72 and sunny with a 80% chance of you staying inside all day anyway.
4/5 Philosophers agree: You are just a weird slow chemical reaction. Keep going to work though, happiness has to be hiding there somewhere.
The last polar bear was officially pronounced dead at 12:15 pm EST. Not really, but you believed me for a second.
New Survey Finds 100% of People Have An STD. One person surveyed. If you'll excuse me, I have to get to a doctor.
Are answers waiting at the bottom of a bottle? Find out this evening at 5. Or find out for yourself now, it's always 5 o'clock somewhere.
Sleeping in on a Sunday, is it worth your eternal soul? Studies say definitely.
Despite the fact that it is Saturday morning, experts agree that you will have to get out of bed eventually.
FDA proposed a law mandating fast food drive thrus to install mirrors, forcing patrons to look at themselves before ordering.
Group of 20somethings account of a time they "had fun without alcohol" recently proven a hoax.
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