Dan Karp @dankarp
Bay Area Joined March 2009-
Tweets46
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Followers92
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Following195
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Likes3
Dan Karp retweeted
Her: Who's your favourite literary vampire? Me: The one in Sesame Street Her: He doesn't count Me: I can assure you that he does
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Dan Karp retweeted
my god what are they planning now
Dan Karp retweeted
My neighbor told me coyotes keep eating his outdoor cats so I asked how many cats he has and he said he just goes to the shelter and gets a new cat afterwards so I said it sounds like he’s just feeding shelter cats to coyotes and then his daughter started crying.
Dan Karp retweeted
eye doctor: your results aren't good me: can I see them eye doctor: probably not
Dan Karp retweeted
You arrive at a gate with two guards. Guard 1: Halt, traveler. You must solve our riddle to continue. Guard 2: ʰᵉʳᵉ ʷᵉ ᵍᵒ G1: ONE of us only tells the truth. The other only tells LIES. G2: jesus christ, Daniel, I said I was sorry.
Dan Karp retweeted
The City of Philadelphia made a how-to video for our new voting machines and the fake ballot they created sure is something
Dan Karp retweeted
The most Philly soundbite goes to this guy who helped catch children thrown from a window during a fire.
Dan Karp retweeted
Dude Rorschach is my favourite superhero i just wish his mask didnt have a picture of my parents fighting on it
Dan Karp retweeted
why does this presidential campaign look like its going to teach me python?
Dan Karp retweeted
The best proof that time travel is impossible is that sixty thousand misconfigured time machines from all phases of future history didn't simultaneously explode into existence at midnight UTC on 1 January 1970
Dan Karp retweeted
[reading an eighteenth-century document] me: don't you do it my brain: ........ me: DON'T my brain: maffachufetts
Dan Karp retweeted
As requested: 2017 Kindergarten Thanksgiving Cookbook enjoy
Dan Karp retweeted
This will only lead to all kinds of other chicken.
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