Soap @LiterallySoap
Soap. Cheltenham, England Joined April 2020-
Tweets795
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Followers62
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Following343
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Likes16K
hey so i noticed that sunshine follows you wherever you go and your presence can illuminate the darkest of days and flowers bloom whenever you're near
During ENCE vs SSG, @FunnyAstro comes back from spawn with a sick rollout to deliver a perfectly timed beat to save @hadi_ow !! Insane stuff!
Was very nervous but i’m glad we clutched it out shoutout all the teams and This is my DallasFace #Aweresome !! 😎See ya in DALLAS!!!!!!
I FOJND THIS GIF AND IM CACKLING
An actual conversation with a patient this week: Patient: “What’s that in your ear?” Me: “That’s my earring, sir.” Patient: “Well you better take it out before someone thinks you’re a queer.” Me: “Well the thing is sir… I am a queer” Patient: 🤯 Me: 💅🏻
Rosha Longsdorf @LongsdorfR26843
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“so i can just transition and immediately become a women’s chess master” no buddy, your ass is 900, you will remain barely sentient
Can’t mute jojo siwa cause I’m pretty sure she’s gonna k*ll someone one day and I gotta be there for that
hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names
5yo: I WILL WEAR MY WHITE DRESS TO THE WEDDING ON FRIDAY Me: Um, how about your blue one? People don’t usually wear white to— 5yo: I WANT TO LOOK LIKE THE BRIDE
@gothspiderbitch This is the key behind the lesson of those broken vase sitcom episodes don't try to fix your mistakes till you tell the person you've wronged
Anyway, I still felt like I needed to get back at him for crushing my soul in some way even though he technically did nothing wrong so I left a shirt that I had bought for him on his bed in the dark like this.
He’s like “Don’t worry about it at all! I had just decided to bleach it this past week, so you actually just saved me some time! What a conveniently timed coinciden—honey? Why are you foaming at the mouth?
Today I spilled some bleach and stained the deck that my dad had just rebuilt last summer. In a panic, I spent all day re-sanding the deck by hand, finishing right as he got home. As I tearfully explain what happened, he goes “It’s ok! I was actually gonna bleach it soon anyway.”