Wayne The Closing the blinds marshal 🦺@CovidMarshall
A highly trained blue level Covid Marshal, completed 2 of the 3 emergency covid procedures modules with a 66% pass rate and the saviour of humanity. buymeacoffee.com/6jpcgdqrm4N Outside Greggs Joined August 2021-
Tweets34K
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Followers30K
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Following797
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Just spoke to Kens wife who died due to a gap in his blinds on Monday, shes v angry at the hospital who did not put blinds as his cause of death even tho he tested positive for open blinds a month ago. I think there is a cover-up going on as there is no jab for open blinds yet.🦺
WTCM Definitely true fact of the day No 103-🦺 In the card game poker 2 players must place a bet before the cards are dealt, this is called the “blind”, this is because as soon you get your cards you could be dead in the game instantly just like killer deadly blinds in real life
I guess now we know what killer death emergency i’ll be working on as soon as have this blinds thing sorted. 🦺👍🏽
😂😂😂😂😂😆😆😂😆😂🦺
WTCM definitely true fact of the day No 54 🦺- The phrase “blind drunk” first came about around 1892 when people would drink excessively then forget to fully close their blinds endangering everyone in the property. 🍺🍻🍷
Watch this short video it may well save your life or the life of someone you love. 🦺 youtu.be/qcJXMRikT7A?si…
When i arrive on a scene of multiple casualties to blinds my training kicks in and i go into auto-pilot, its almost a trance-like state. 1st i check for a pulse, then to be sure i vaxxinate them, then a quick snack to keep my blood sugar up, then i post about it on Twitter.🦺
Apologies for the late life-saving tweet this morning, i know you all must be v worried about the whole death by blinds thing, im experiencing some PTSD this morning after being called to a blinds shop in Bromley yesterday. Ive never seen carnage like it, bodies everywhere!😩🦺
Tragic news. Ive just seen Ken at 65’s body being carried out of his flat. Early reports suggest his kitchen blind got snagged on a plant pot and wasnt completely closed leaving a deadly gap which killed him during the night. Luckily his wife is triple boosted so she survived.🦺
Please DO NOT panic, Wayne the closing the blinds marshal is on duty. I know you’ve had them open for the last 30 years without an issue, but a new study by people without an agenda much smarter than you now say it will kill you. So do as you’re told and close them or i will 🦺🤡
Peak lunacy was the “having no symptoms is a symptom” phase, closely followed by washing your shopping and grassing on your neighbors if they went out or had a visitor. Ahhh the memories 🦺
No tweets this morning Wayngels, unfortunately i am trapped in the afterlife and my spirit cant move on until ive been jabbed. Either that or ive somehow ended up in Streatham. Im off to look for Whoopie Goldberg. I must say tho it does good to finally be a medium.🦺
Dont you love it when people just make shit up?!? This is not true. Please only get your real pie facts from me, it can be hard to know whats fake pie news these days. 🦺
Dont you love it when people just make shit up?!? This is not true. Please only get your real pie facts from me, it can be hard to know whats fake pie news these days. 🦺
WTCM definitely true fact of the day-no 55 🦺 The number Pi was invented in 1812 by a worker named Simon at the Fray Bentos factory, after he calculated they needed to produce 3.14159265359 pies per minute (PPM) to turn a profit. Hence, Simon the pie man.
Morning Wayngels, today i’ll be helping out at the arse Covid testing centre, ive seen more rusty sheriff badges over the last 24 hours than the outlaw Jessie James! Its a shit job but someones got to do it, im hoping you’re all safe and your arses are double masked.🦺😷
Arse Covid. Thats where we’re at. Covid, but for your arsehole. They’re not even trying to hide it any more are they?🤡
Ive just completed my 2nd inspection of the day on Jesscia at 54’s arse, im glad to report it is so far free of any viruses. I will conduct another one after to lunch to be sure and do a thorough job, as a single mum i must ensure she is in the best of health. #JustDoingMyJob
Wayne the anus eater marshal 🤔 Wayne the anti arse eating marshal 🤔 Wayne anus virus marshal 🤔 Help me out here Wayngels, its on the tip on my tongue!! 🦺 I didn’t sign up for this!!! 😩 how have i gone from jabbing grannies to eating arses!? I want a raise. 🦺
Literally the best website online, I'm gonna buy the "world hoax organisation" t shirt
Literally the best website online, I'm gonna buy the "world hoax organisation" t shirt
Early reports on the anus virus from the Covid Marshal super life-saver network are showing that the anus virus it tearing families apart and spreading like crazy, dont worry if you collapse after getting the anus jab, that just means its twerking, they’re making this too easy!😂
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205 Followers 361 Following@CovidMarshall If you haven’t purchased a can of black paint and aren’t just painting people’s windows black then you aren’t saving enough lives mate. 😂 I’ve been doing it on my neighbours houses at night to save them from themselves. I’ve saved at least 100 lives so far.
@CovidMarshall Amazing what sheeple will believe
They actually go forwards this weekend.
@kat11235813 @CovidMarshall Should have been consuming a scotch egg whilst waiting for the jab
@CovidMarshall Better get Wanda to close her flaps, too..🤔👍
@CovidMarshall She very well could have fallen asleep in the direct path of sunlight with those blinds open. A double whammy.
@CovidMarshall Someone opened the blinds in the office of Falldown & Bendover Chatered Accountants on Putney Green. The results were devastating.
@CovidMarshall I have eaten 2 Easter eggs so I’m currently writing my will and calling the coroner
@CovidMarshall I think the blinds pandemic will continue for a while yet 😆 top scientists have said the earth’s rotation has slowed to a point where our days will become 25 hours long causing absolute havoc with technology and bus time tables!
@CovidMarshall Are you going to get the £99 Vid booster shot! I am! Bargain!!
I’m working on it, Wayne, the Chinese wet markets aren’t answering my calls and Royal Mail seem to think 48h delivery really means 48 days…. Harrumph.
I’m working on it, Wayne, the Chinese wet markets aren’t answering my calls and Royal Mail seem to think 48h delivery really means 48 days…. Harrumph.
@CovidMarshall It won't be long, Wayne. As the saying goes, where there's a will there's an MRNA. Only then, and when the overs 70s have all had it, can we cry freedom...I think.